Summer Soiree Skeptic Pillows

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

"Okay - who wants theirs well done?"

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

Workaholic on a cruise

'An egg and spoon race! That's horrible!'

'Ta Da! A brand new set of festive outdoor dinnerware for all my summer entertaining!!'

"Did you notice the smirk on his face when he said 'enjoy'?"

'Houston..Er..I don't know how to tell you this..'

"This is the worst parade ever."

"I'm binge ignoring everything you're binge watching."

'Free gifts to every kid in the whole world? -- What are you running for?'

"I don't see one damn thing we haven't eaten before."

"There was no Christmas Party."

'Do you mind if I call my parole officer?'

"Oh for God's sake Peter, do remove your feet from the table."

"I ran out of vacation days, so I didn't fly south this winter."

"Beware of everything."

Annoying things about the beach.

"When Santa went electric they either diversified or got furloughed."

"My God, do you realize the year's half over?"

"Bah, humbug! It's not just for Christmas anymore."

Papi's idea of a good father vs. Baldo's idea of a good father: house parties.

'Every Sunday I thank God that I'm an atheist!'

'I was made Professor Emeritus before my time.'

'You might think it's your roof, but it's really my yard.'

"I've spent the summer speaking out against violence."

Ladies

"I should have known - I hate the beach."

How to Avoid Spring Fever

'I don't know about you but this is the last Fireman's Ball that I go to!'

'Well, I can think of one good reason to be happy that summer is almost over!'

"Bah, humbug! It's not just for Christmas anymore."

"No dogs. No solicitors. No children. No nuthin'. In fact, just go! Go away!"