Timely Guest Gifts

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'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

Rock - see you in a million years!

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"I feel like I'm cosplaying as a salad bar."

"While you were out, Mr. Sundberg, the little hand went from the one to the three."

"Perhaps Monsieur would care for something more expensive?"

Modern History: Last Year/Last Month/Last Week/Yesterday.

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

'Oh, that's Corky's way of saying hello.'

'Next day to the coast! You must be nuts!'

"I'm very good with punctuation."

'You wished to see the house red?'

"My appointment starting on time just went viral."

Two men jogging past one another trying to get as many words in as possible.

'I don't think they are playing with a full deck.'

"Great session, Doc."

'Your wife came by and left a message'

Husband concerned about being late whilst wife has plastic surgery.

'Creepy, yes. But on the other hand, he's never missed a deadline.'

'I've got to go - we're having the zebras for dinner.'

'Oh I can't stay here, i'm allergic to shell fish.'

'I must warn you our food isn't as good as you would find in a garbage can.'

"A touch more obsequious and you'll reach the tipping point."

'Joan of Arc is visiting - make sure all the toilet seats are down.

"Have some more tea, Mrs. Van Sickleford. Wendell is going to show you his mastodon tusk."

"Good news Mr Simms. Your blood pressure is down and you have a visitor."

"Your college student, home for the holidays, waits until dinner to announce that he is now a vegan. . ."

'What do you mean you 'don't like curry'?!!'

'Roger hates goodbyes.'

"We ran out of hand sanitizer, so the chef prepared this with his feet."

'Thank you for folding up the sleeper sofa, Dear. Have you seen Mother?'