Timeless Jokester Pillows

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Men dancing

Romulus and Remus ( and their brother Derek )

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

Time Travelers from the 21st Century.

Athen's Theater. "Oedipus Rex" didn't test well as a title, Sophocles. How would you feel about calling it "My Big Fat Greek Tragedy"?

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

Celebrity Clown Rehab: 'And so how does that make you feel, Chuckles?'

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

'Tender and Juicy.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

Summer Reading

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

"An olive or a twist?"

'Someday, you'll be a big star!'

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

I laughed so hard that milk came out my nose.

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."