Timekeeper's Humor Gifts

'You clumsy fool. Why can't you wear a watch like everyone else?'

Time Scales

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

‘I've cleared the morning, but you've got bandits at twelve o'clock ...'

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work, I overslept.'

clock shopkeeper says timing is everything

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

"It's time to wake up!"

Olga's Biological Clocks.

'The trouble with punctuality is that it makes the day so long!'

"My new watch has a G.P.S. function but it always puts me in the right place at the wrong time."

Wiz Fipple and his Circadian Rhythms.

Pound sign in an hourglass.

'DO you know what time we start here?'

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

Your talk of promptness seems to have worked - everybody was out of here by one minute after five.

Outstanding Time Management

Of COURSE I hate to rush around all the time! But I do it so I won't have to hurry later!

"The secretary will now read the minutes from our last meeting."

'Sir, that efficiency expert you hired called -- he said he'll be five hours late.

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

"I charge by the grain."

Cuckoo bird in office.

Policeman's face reveals clock.

"In recognition of your long service, we'd like you to have this clock you've had your eye on since you walked in here all those years ago."

"I'll pencil you in for recess."

'How old? He's 14 months, 3 days, 7 hours and 16 seconds... 17... 18...'

Do' you have the time?'

'This is the Rabbi's favourite.'

"And when the little hand gets to the nine, it means... ah, just check your cell phones."

'He lived paycheck to paycheck.'

Waiting for the 5 o'clock hooter.