Time-traveling Jogger Pillows

The circular nature of running wear.

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

Doug had trouble getting home at a decent hour.

"Meet the scribe"

Historical memory is on life support.

'That's about it so far, Son.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

Second hand furniture.

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"About how if the dark ages never happened we'd be so much more technologically advanced by now."

'I'd say it's six of one and one half doxen of the other.'

Time for vacation, time for work.

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

"Early model of baggage claim"

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

Danger Slow Sand.

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

'This new game isn't working out -- the ball keeps running away.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

You had me at vintage.

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"I had to skip my workout."

"I don't know who you are!"

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

Stressed over time management

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'