Time-conscious Tippler Gifts

'Time's up, chuckles.'

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

'C'mon! Speed it up! I've got a bottle of wine here that says it's meant to be drunk soon!'

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

The inventor of the clock realizes his mistake

"Yes we have dollar drafts, no you can't use your own glass."

'Safe!'

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

One shandy and two glasses of tap water please.

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

'Your evaluation is based on what you do in the next 30 seconds. Go!'

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

"Last year, my whole family went on a trip. It started on a Tuesday, and ended just in the nick of time."

Beggar with on the street with a sign

Tip responsibly

'This one's called 'Towel stealer'. It's a guest beer.'

Visitor to a Landmark Tavern

'This chart indicates that the big hand is on the 12, and the small hand is on the 5. Who knows what this means?'

'Fancy a spot of work after drinks?'

'There's a machine now that tells you when to stop drinking. It's called a cash point machine.'

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

5-6 pm: Unhappy hour - mourn the loss of jobs to apps, bots, drones.

"I prefer the cheap stuff."

I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'

Is it time for church already? I tolled you so!

'Thinker's drinker.'

'So, does your wrist-wearable wine analyzer have anything so say about that Burgundy, like how to get it out of silk?'

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

Knight on horse approaches a pole vault.

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'

Harry, I've just had a tip!

'My Beer Expert necklace reports that this IPA is perfect, so why do I need to taste it?'

Fred never wastes time changing clocks to & from Daylight Saving Time.

'What? You mean I ran all the way here and got all that exercise for nothing?'