Time-conscious Tippler Pillows

'Time's up, chuckles.'

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

'C'mon! Speed it up! I've got a bottle of wine here that says it's meant to be drunk soon!'

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

The inventor of the clock realizes his mistake

'Safe!'

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

One shandy and two glasses of tap water please.

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

'Your evaluation is based on what you do in the next 30 seconds. Go!'

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

Beggar with on the street with a sign

'This one's called 'Towel stealer'. It's a guest beer.'

Visitor to a Landmark Tavern

"Last year, my whole family went on a trip. It started on a Tuesday, and ended just in the nick of time."

Tip responsibly

'Fancy a spot of work after drinks?'

5-6 pm: Unhappy hour - mourn the loss of jobs to apps, bots, drones.

'There's a machine now that tells you when to stop drinking. It's called a cash point machine.'

'Thinker's drinker.'

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'

"I prefer the cheap stuff."

'So, does your wrist-wearable wine analyzer have anything so say about that Burgundy, like how to get it out of silk?'

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

Knight on horse approaches a pole vault.

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'

Harry, I've just had a tip!

'My Beer Expert necklace reports that this IPA is perfect, so why do I need to taste it?'

Fred never wastes time changing clocks to & from Daylight Saving Time.

'It's sad to see a good dog go bad.'