Tile Tastemaker Gifts

Young Roger Penrose: 'Dad, I want to become a floor tiler.'

"States of tofu"

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Harsh Mellows.

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

And then in Italy. . . "But I really don't like bubblegum gelato."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"Your meal sounded nice."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Avocado Timeline

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

"They say the taste makes up for their lack in artful presentation."

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

'Here ya' go, sweetie. Our Key Lime Pie.'

'Well you little rogue, how do you like this one?!' - Hm, yes, hm, yes ... After all ... well, hm, yes ... hm, yes ... Yes! ...'

Big Burgers.

'...or, if you're watching your cholesterol, we also have thousand-year-old egg substitutes.'

'Why do my parents have to be professional chefs?!'

'I'd recommend the white wine.'

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

'This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing. It's salty.'

"Jeffrey eats everything, Mom, because no one has told him what he doesn't like."

"Do you know our soup is world renowned?"

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

Mixed marriage: food fight