Ticket Swapper Pillows

Mr. Maynard, had you heard that Sean Hannity is coming to the Civic Auditorium? Naturally. I have two tickets to his speech. Would you like to join me? Would you like me to join you? Of course. That's why I asked. Good, then my ticket will be free. Well played, stingy entrepreneur. You're kind to notice.

Bench clearing brawl, $5.

Wha about trying another antivirus?

Now Playing: Christmas ? The Ultimate feel-Good Musical!

"Excuse me, but I think you're in my seat."

'I'm coping.'

Avoid Constant Borrowing

'Look what the ice cream man gave me for your iPhone!'

The first day of spring has finally arrived! The only think I'll miss about winter is curling up under a warm blanket straight out of the dryer on a frigid night.

"I'm a dynamic pricing consultant."

"So then the boss said - 'The way you've been playing lately, next week I'm putting you in a new position'."

'Say, are you the elusive walleye from Big Bear lake?'

'If you're in short pants it's only 50p. Long pants £1.'

Psychiatry. Oops, it 3:17, time for me to switch chairs!

Welcome to Stupidity Night, Pay Full Price and Get In Free.

'How would you have played that last ball?'

'Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity.'

'We accept payment by cash, card or an arm and a leg.'

"This is so much better than book club."

'I'm doing a 'pet swap'.'

Ticket Trout

"I knew this was coming when they introduced computer-generated ticket sales."

"I think the tags got switched on our presents."

"How much!!!?!"

"Your tickets are only valid between 9:37 and 09:45 on an alternate Tuesday in a month with an 'R' in it. . . and only on the less-frequent train company. . ."

'I assumed the warning about nudity referred to the movie.'

'And here's a ticket for speeding in the parking lot.'

We'll drive to Chicago, change cars, drive to Atlanta, change cars, drive to St. Louis, change cars, then we'll drive to Orlando. Car trips with airline managers.

'This time of year it's all that keeps me sane! I keep the magazine in the bathroom and I've about wore the ink off the pages!'

Russian doll...

"Our fare structure is completely transparent, as anyone with a degree in higher mathematics can see."

Subway Series

'Patience, patience, I'm sure it's in here somewhere...'

Virgin Trains - "Don't they go all the way then?"

Passengers on the underground