Thoughtful Preteen Gifts

The big life questions that really get us thinking.

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"It's an Eyesaur."

'The doctor said oily fish was good for his brain development.'

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

'Dad, what is peace?'

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

At the Penguin fishing school: 'Gunvald has set the bar kind of high, gang!'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

'My kids don't understand me.'

'Awesome!'

Are we going to raise her as a cat person or a dog person?

'He was raised by sparrows!'

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.

"What did you learn in school today that I'd object to?"

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

Ride Bucky/Fly U.F.O.

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

"What's it like to be the parent of a nonhuman?"

'Looks like Timmy got solitary.'

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

Baby Philosophy.

Ingredients: me

"I think I'll be more relaxed once my secondary sex characteristics kick in."

'I think I'm beginning to understand what sex is all about.'

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

"You know, we're not getting any younger...I mean, pretty soon, we'll both be 16."

"When I was growing up, my parents only ever gave me two choices for everything I did: The carrot or the stick..."

All Metamorphosed And No Place To Go.

"Does school choice include whether he gets a tenured teacher?"

"I wasn't nervously hovered around enough as a child."

"Wasted water, wasted gas, all that pesticide. . . sorry, dad. I can't in good conscience help with our lawn!"

"We think he needs more individual neglect."

'Now that the kids have grown and gone I've decided to rent out their room.'

"Apparently, Philip and his imaginary playmate are more or less the same weight and size."