Conscientious Teen Gifts

"Wasted water, wasted gas, all that pesticide. . . sorry, dad. I can't in good conscience help with our lawn!"

"What I do is pick up the morning paper, go through it carefully, and then, depending on how I feel about things, I either say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand there and do nothing, or walk out of the classroom."

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

"Looking cool in a car takes practice."

'Dad, what is peace?'

'I could only afford a Yo.'

'Awesome!'

'16 years old and I already have a company car!'

The big life questions that really get us thinking.

Suddenly...puberty hit Irwin!

"Sure I'm Alfred the Great now, but in high school I couldn't get a date."

Slage University Admissions.

A kid like me needs a dad like you! You know. Someone to post bail.

'The nightlife around here? Pretty boring if you ask me Dude: My parents are awake...'

'Yes, mom - this is a tattoo! You don't like? Then screw you!'

"Turn it up Shaz - I can hear myself think."

What would Jesus Do

"Spin the Noodle"

'What a crummy game. You try to find overdue books and get them back to the library. It's called 'Tome Raiders.'

'So you're the boy who wants to be a health and safety officer.'

"Son, we're concerned about your partying."

'Yeah, you were creative.'

Since college admissions officers might see his Facebook page...

'I'm worried about job security and I don't even have a job yet!'

'Why are you so upset over a little thing like your daughter's bikini.'

"I know I should live every day like it's my last, but if I skip class and my mom finds out it will be my last."

"So let me get this straight...the equality movement has basically doubled the number of crazy high school kids who secretly decorate cars in the middle of the night?"

Getting rid of bottled water at school is a good eco-club project -- in theory. But?

"I can't wear that hat. I have to protect my product."

I hate thinking our little girl is old enough to learn about birth control. Don't worry. Twig will want whatever has the least environmental impact. And this is reassuring because? No packaging, chemicals or anything imported from China. What does that leave? Excellent. Abstinence! The green alternative. You can tell her.

"We said 'no' but then he started a crowd-funding campaign and bought it himself."

'How will all this fiscal cliff and debt ceiling stuff affect my allowance?'

Girl refusing a boy's advances.

So what's with the emo look? Not '"emo"