Conscientious Teen Pillows

"Wasted water, wasted gas, all that pesticide. . . sorry, dad. I can't in good conscience help with our lawn!"

"What I do is pick up the morning paper, go through it carefully, and then, depending on how I feel about things, I either say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand there and do nothing, or walk out of the classroom."

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

'Dad, what is peace?'

"Looking cool in a car takes practice."

'I could only afford a Yo.'

'Awesome!'

'16 years old and I already have a company car!'

The big life questions that really get us thinking.

Suddenly...puberty hit Irwin!

"Sure I'm Alfred the Great now, but in high school I couldn't get a date."

A kid like me needs a dad like you! You know. Someone to post bail.

'The nightlife around here? Pretty boring if you ask me Dude: My parents are awake...'

'Yes, mom - this is a tattoo! You don't like? Then screw you!'

"Son, we're concerned about your partying."

'What a crummy game. You try to find overdue books and get them back to the library. It's called 'Tome Raiders.'

"Turn it up Shaz - I can hear myself think."

'So you're the boy who wants to be a health and safety officer.'

'Yeah, you were creative.'

"Spin the Noodle"

'I'm worried about job security and I don't even have a job yet!'

"I know I should live every day like it's my last, but if I skip class and my mom finds out it will be my last."

"So let me get this straight...the equality movement has basically doubled the number of crazy high school kids who secretly decorate cars in the middle of the night?"

"I can't wear that hat. I have to protect my product."

'Why are you so upset over a little thing like your daughter's bikini.'

'How will all this fiscal cliff and debt ceiling stuff affect my allowance?'

"We said 'no' but then he started a crowd-funding campaign and bought it himself."

Girl refusing a boy's advances.

'Thanks, Dad. But I learned to ride that fifteen years ago while you were watching golf. I'm leaving now for college.'