Thespian Romantic Gifts

"I was Mrs. Webb in my high-school production of 'Our Town.' Who were you?"

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

'Sometimes it's difficult to get their feelings to the surface.'

Tabletop Theatre

Henrik Ibsen,

"I gotta cut you off, Pierre. That's your tenth 'pretend Manhattan' since you got here."

Harriet Walter

Daniel Day Lewis & George Glasgow

Ventriloquist Grave

"We're doing a skit of Peter Rabbit at school. I'm the potting soil."

'...tonights main feature is silent and in black and white.'

"An actor ... huh, that’s funny, because you look just like a waiter."

"I sensed a fine balance between the misery on the stage and the misery in the audience."

Man and Woman suck in their stomachs in order to impress.

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"They're texting it in."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

Comedy, Tragedy and News.

Latest support group: British actors who couldn't get a part in the Harry Potter films.

'Love what you've done with your hair.'

'He must be serious,mum - he's taking me out again tomorrow and there's football on television.'

"He stowed his own bag, closed the bin, buckled his seat belt, then watched the whole safety demo...it was love at first flight!"

Robotic Prince Hamlet holding a human skull and saying "To be or not to be".

You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies? I said "If you spend a year working out." Well, in this past year, I've run 18,000 miles and burned tens of thousands of calories. Accidentally leaving your phone's pedometer on all year doesn't count, little buddy. You didn't say that beforehand. Loophole. Maybe next year.

'Quick Betty, come round to the Red Lion and wear your highest heels.'

"I'm retired actor Daniel Day Lewis. They thought I was I was good. They don't know how good."

"Well, Clive, what I REALLY want to do it wait on tables."

The great bespeak for Miss Snevellicci

'Judging from the chart, I'd say someone has a crush on their nurse...'

"O.K., I just found my wife in bed with my best friend and I go into a rage. What's my motivation?"

"Before I give you my answer I just gotta be sure you ain't one of them nasty olee-garks I've been hearing about."

Palm tree in love...

Pets: 'Chick magnet.'

You are going to meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger...bringing your post.

Jumbo in Henrik Ibsen's The Wild Duck