Therapy Tongue-in-cheek Pillows

"And when did this over-aggressive behavior begin to manifest itself?"

Shakespeare's Lost Play: The Taming of the Pooch.

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

"Would it be possible to speak with the personality that pays the bills."

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

'I have ego issues — at least, I think it's me.'

I always felt I should have been born into royalty, Doctor Kapuchnik. If it's any consolation, Al, you're a royal pain.

"You do realise that you are not the only client scheduled this morning?"

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

'Visualize yourself not falling off the wall.'

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

"I can't afford therapy. The inner child support payments alone are killing me."

"You're right, Carl. Everything does suck."

Dinosaurs Anonymous

"I'm right there in the room, and no one even acknowledges me."

"I'm sensing big crybaby."

"Tell me about your problem drinking."

"Seriously...girls have their own language!"

'So tell me, Doc...am I cracked or not?'

"I think that's your reptile brain speaking, Cynthia!"

"Listen, I'm going to close my eyes for a short bit but you just keep on talking.".

"Frankly, the idea of "Mating for Life" is quite daunting to somebody like me who has a fear of commitment..."

"There's nothing wrong with me, I just really like this couch."

"Don't worry. Very soon you'll be back to what passes as normal for you."