Tongue-in-cheek Humor Pillows

"The way I look at it, drinking alcohol may never solve anything. . . but neither did drinking milk!"

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

No-Work Orange

Robinson decided to name him 'Casual Friday'.

Do it yourself books.

'Economic indicators are down, but cheer up! The history revisionists will turn this into 'the good old days'...'

'Marriage? With all your pre-existing conditions Reggie, my HMO would never approve of you'

Shall I be mother?

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

"I appreciate you asking for directions. But how reliable is 'Just follow your nose!' from a toucan?"

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

Husband / Wife / On The Side

Having asked for some 'bruisers' to bruise oats for feeding horses, Mr. Haycock gets sent the 'Whitechaple Chicken' and the 'Bayswater Slasher'

The Three Doctors.

Roman Golfer.

"Seriously...girls have their own language!"

'May I recommend the ketchup '06,sir?'

"I'm sorry you decided to leave us! I will really miss your wife at our company parties!"

"No Bald Games"

"If you like the baby pictures you should see the 'Making Of' video!"

"It's a thongbird."

"I bet if it hadn't smoked, it'd still be alive."

"All our vegetables are well done. It's a return to the old values."

'I wish they hadn't voted out instant replay.'

"Bitch."

'This tongue transplant I had with fly paper is great.'

"We've travelled the world looking for our next C.E.O., as was foretold in our corporate legends. We think your little Tim might be that C.E.O."

"It's a novelty t-shirt me and the boys designed, Mrs. Patterson!"

"Why feel bad? We do actually need to eat, and they'll never even know there was a twin."

'Come on...you can't all have hayfever in the middle of winter.'