Therapy Session Survivor Gifts

"Sorry, I didn't realize you had a late session. Mind if I mop while you mope?"

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

"No, it's not a Rorscach test, it's a really nasty damp patch."

A therapist laughing behind the back of his patient who is an upset looking clown.

"I don't even have a relationship with a bank."

'My therapist cured me of using humour as a defence, these days I pack a .45.'

Learning to deal with road rage is really hard when the stupid therapist keeps cutting you off.

Patients competition.

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'I told you he had a temper.'

"Do you feel you were loved as a tadpole?"

"Adolescence can be a very trying time, Mr. Alcorn."

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

'The only reason she keeps me is to rub out her bed wrinkles.'

'So, who's not a happy bunny?'

"Tell me..How do you feel about being abducted?"

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

'Well, John, in the past two years you've gone from being extremely depressed to being basically unhappy like the rest of us. My work here is done.'

The baseball players psychiatrist.

'No... you first.'

"Listen, all I remember is that I blacked out right before saying anything incriminating."

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'

"Your wife is here to shed some light on your version of the story."

"I have a recurring dream that I have a recurring dream, but I can't remember what it is!"

"Dad, can you just ground me instead?"

'Everytime I look at another man he hits the ceiling.'

Man to patient on couch: 'I'd like to help, but I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm an upholsterer.'

'Let's talk about your smoking problem.'