Therapy Punster Pillows

"You are completely sane, but I think I can cure you."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Sweep the board.

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

Dogs life

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

Comicron

'Iguana know what time it is.'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

Sisyphus during Covid

Vaccinating Death

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

Dog Walker

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."