Theatrical Preacher Gifts

While he agreed it had been a particularly good sermon, Harold the sound engineer would have preferred that Pastor Nigel had not concluded it with a mic drop.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Support group for sheep.

Night-time halo

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Thou Shalt Not!

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Dogma

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

Free speech isn't cheap!

The ecumenical dinner party.

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

Minister to marrying couple: 'Remember, you're under oath.'