Theatrical Couple Gifts

"My wife and I do modified role play - she's a different woman every night, I stay the same."

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

Stand-up Romcom

Applause. Clap clap bravo. Spring musical. Cats. You were terrific! Our little girl!

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"Does my bum look big in this aria?"

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

A pretention of playwrights

"If you dress in a costume that they can't figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy."

"The blow drier is broken."

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

"In preparation for his appearance before the foundation board, Rodney fine-tunes his song and dance."

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

"Say 'Arrr.'"

'No...I would not like a nice big slice of Angel Food cake!'

"What wine would you recommend to compliment stony silence?"

'Another triple, Joe -I'm trying to forget several women.'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'Say, Dad - this story is the same as last night's story.'

"Force level 3 on those high-five's! That's my photon firing hand!"

Montserrat Caballé

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

"Sounds like you've both been pushing each others' buttons."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

'So this is what you do while I'm gone.'

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

'The answer is yes - I'll sign your pre-nuptial agreement.'