Theatrical Couple Pillows

"My wife and I do modified role play - she's a different woman every night, I stay the same."

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Stand-up Romcom

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"Does my bum look big in this aria?"

A pretention of playwrights

"If you dress in a costume that they can't figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy."

"In preparation for his appearance before the foundation board, Rodney fine-tunes his song and dance."

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

"The blow drier is broken."

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

"Say 'Arrr.'"

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'Another triple, Joe -I'm trying to forget several women.'

'No...I would not like a nice big slice of Angel Food cake!'

"What wine would you recommend to compliment stony silence?"

'Say, Dad - this story is the same as last night's story.'

"Force level 3 on those high-five's! That's my photon firing hand!"

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

Montserrat Caballé

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

'You're becoming so distant, Els!'

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"

'The answer is yes - I'll sign your pre-nuptial agreement.'

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

'So this is what you do while I'm gone.'