Theatre Festival Gifts

Grandfather Clock

Shepherd and eurydice

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Glastonbury. After.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

Pete Townshend Vineyards

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

Mardi Gras

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Cimafunk

Face painting.

"Meet the author"

Bacchus.

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

Leslie Caron.

Southwark Fair.

"It's not a party until someone gets plowed."

'Hamlet'

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

Pirate

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

High security Santa's grotto

Anthropologists discover the earliest known depiction of Jazz Hands.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

Happy Easter

Piracy on a boating lake

"I'm sorry, but my costs were way out of control."

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'