The Skeptical Parent Gifts

A good school report at last...how much did it cost you?

"If oceans are absorbing more carbon dioxide, why isn't this water fizzy?"

Baby Hairstyles.

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

'It's nice to go hiking together. It gives us a chance to compare notes and figure out what the kids are plotting!'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"Jim was a model Dad".

Library. Story Hour. This fact-checking site says no cow has ever jumped over the moon.

'Sleep tight - don't let the bedbugs bite!'

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

"I couldn't find a sitter."

'If you shoot your foot off don't coming running to me.'

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

'Can I keep him? He followed me home.'

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

'Don't worry he doesn't want any. he's allergic to everything except straw stuffing.'

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

"My mom says you can sleep on the top bunk if your parents will sign a release form."

"What part of this don't you understand?"

"You see it as half full, I see his diaper as half empty."

'I've had raging hormones for the last 80 years.'

'Daddy says 'meow'.'

Kangaroo with multiple pockets for lots of children...

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

"I can't right now. I have to pick the kids up then eat them."

"I made this one a mom because she has two eyes behind her head."

'He's starting to ask what sushi is.'

Empty Nest.

DOOM! (WHICHEVER ONE WINS)

'... Well, I don't know where your Daddy got that idea. I have plenty of brand new bikes in my workshop.'

"It's not the captivity – I'm just not sure if I'm ready to have kids."

Annoy Your Parents! You've done it for real. Now, play the video game!