The Reluctant Shopper Pillows

'It's been raining all day. There's nothing to do.'

"It's black, but it's not New York black."

'C'mon! Speed it up! I've got a bottle of wine here that says it's meant to be drunk soon!'

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

Down on Her.

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

"I got napkins, family photos, and the strongest lip balm in the city."

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

Cash Rebate

"Frank's gone fishing, and he'll be looking forward to a fish dinner."

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

End Of Consumer Confidence Sale

Why men hate shopping.

"We save all the original packaging in case we have to return something."

'I don't CARE if they were marked down 35 percent. That set of drapes goes back to the store!'

"Honestly, I think this was a waste of money."

Coming soon: The Garden of Eden Shopping Center.

'No Wallmart...No Target...No mall...How can you call this paradise?'

'Mom says if you're going to buy anything online,I'm supposed to make sure it's a secure site.'

Which magazine?

'It's the only way I can get him to help me with the shopping.'

Very little fan fair.

"I'm looking for something special that says 'Meow.'"

"We're closed!"

'I was going to buy myself a new outfit today, but I'm meeting pockets of resistance.'

'We'd rather not let you withdraw any money, Mrs Everhart - our computer thinks you'd just waste it.'

'The Ridiculous Slippers Shop'

Supermarket - 'Buy One, Get 5kg Of Packaging Free'

"I'm not investing a penny into the high street!"

'Call me when you invent the warranty.'

Incredibly Inexpensive Security Systems' advertise 'Pretty Good Set Ups. 1/2 the price, 2/3 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional break-ins.

'Is everything made in China these days?'

"It's very me, but I hate myself."