Reluctant Shopper Pillows

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

"It's very me, but I hate myself."

'It's the only way I can get him to help me with the shopping.'

Why men hate shopping.

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

'This is the only way I can get him to come shopping with me...'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

Down on Her.

'Studies show that most boys my age don't like to read. Who am I to tamper with statistics?'

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

Airline concerns.

'I'm sorry I didn't come to work yesterday, sir -- somehow, it seemed like Sunday.'

"I have to write a book report for school. . . do you have any books with lots of pictures?"

'Dad, do you really think trying to sell me life insurance counts as quality time?'

'That's typical of him, to ruin our first decent night out in ages.'

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

End Of Consumer Confidence Sale

"Is there a discount for someone who doesn't want to see the movie?"

Summer Reading

'Who cares where Waldo is?'

Man Readig Paper

It says 'item is returnable if repackaged exactly as sent.'"

"Let's go somewhere fun and not really experience it."

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

Travel Agents - Water, water, anywhere with water.

Coming soon: The Garden of Eden Shopping Center.

"Honestly, I think this was a waste of money."

'No Wallmart...No Target...No mall...How can you call this paradise?'

"We just weren't compatible.Her body-clock was telling her to settle down and have kids,and mine was telling me that the pub was open."

"Frank's trying to outreach to people who only come to the library to use the washroom!"

'Culture Time!'

'It's been raining all day. There's nothing to do.'