The Office Comic Gifts

"I'm aware you called to say you'd be late, but that was nine months ago!"

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."

"Good boy, what a good boy. You're hired."

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

'And this is the computer that sends out our final demands.'

Cog-In-The-Wheel

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

'Sleep on your face again, Phil?'

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

"You've been replaced by a new AI program, but we can keep you on until it's finished it's vacation."

Imagine there's no office...

"In order to raise some working capital, the company has sold your souls to the devil"

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

"It's the new man - he wants to know what the company retirement plan is."

In and Out Trays

"I've had a tip off that someone on the team has been using email."

'He's not in now. This is his secwatawy.'

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

"I started in the Lab and worked my way up."

"Of course I'm proud to work here... Why do you ask?

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

Do you think I have a problem delegating?

'You can take down your little sign, Marlene, we're switching over to computers on Monday.'

"No, son, there's no severance package."

'He started on the production line and has worked his way up!'

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

'You know, you're a very expensive employee because we have to contribute to nine retirement and life insurance plans for you.'

'Benson, I want this piece of popcorn to be in our LA office by morning...for no reason at all!'