The Office Comic Gifts

"I'm aware you called to say you'd be late, but that was nine months ago!"

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

"Good boy, what a good boy. You're hired."

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

'And this is the computer that sends out our final demands.'

Cog-In-The-Wheel

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

'Sleep on your face again, Phil?'

"You've been replaced by a new AI program, but we can keep you on until it's finished it's vacation."

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

Imagine there's no office...

"In order to raise some working capital, the company has sold your souls to the devil"

"It's the new man - he wants to know what the company retirement plan is."

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

In and Out Trays

"I've had a tip off that someone on the team has been using email."

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

'He's not in now. This is his secwatawy.'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

"You have reached the Office of Status Quo. Relax. No need to listen carefully. Our menu options never change."

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

"I started in the Lab and worked my way up."

"Of course I'm proud to work here... Why do you ask?

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

Do you think I have a problem delegating?

'He started on the production line and has worked his way up!'

'You can take down your little sign, Marlene, we're switching over to computers on Monday.'

"No, son, there's no severance package."

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

'You know, you're a very expensive employee because we have to contribute to nine retirement and life insurance plans for you.'

'Benson, I want this piece of popcorn to be in our LA office by morning...for no reason at all!'