The Headache Conqueror Gifts

District Budget Meeting: Asprin

"Class of 2008, never let the excuse 'I can't find my pants' stand in the way of your dreams."

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

To do before Saturday...

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Our therapist couple be so proud of us now."

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

Your stress is stress-related.

"Uh-oh it's happening aain, the feeling I'm being triggered...."

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

'Don't be nervous but I think we're about to go LIVE on the new system.'

'Take two asprin and stick your head in the the sand.'

'Sure I sleep all day. She snores all night.'

'I'm not convinced you need tranquillizers to switch phone provider.'

'zzz sleep.'

"Well, how can I help cure your severe hypochondria if you keep cancelling appointments due to illness?"

"Mr. Carley, would you like to begin today’s session?" "Claustrophobic's therapy session today at 2:00"

"It's probably just stress, but let's take a look. Open up and say, ARGGGH!!!"

"In order to get through this, I've had to find an inner strength that I never knew I had in the medicine cabinet."

Number Phobia.

"Are we sexually compatible? Well, we both get headaches at the same time..."

"No, not us. Do something every day that scares you."

'The nurses tell me that you're having trouble sleeping, so I thought I'd try a sermon just to help.'

"I don't get it. I only had a couple of beers in the pub last night, but I've got a splitting headache this morning."

"I'm incredibly happy - must be the medication speaking."

'This could end up costing a lot more than I thought -- your disease is psychocomatic!'

'Do you offer transcend dental medication?'

'I'm prescribing a patch to help you get over your inhibitions. Put it over your eye and pretend you're a pirate!'

He did special exercises to stay calm during his evaluation.

Break in Case of Emergency.

"I'm sorry, I always fall to pieces at interviews."