The Ethical Influencer Gifts

"You're right - what's the point of being virtuous if no one else knows?"

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

Witches of Instagram

"This is off our first TikTok."

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

"Influence this."

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"