The Conversational Dominator Gifts

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

Al, you know how a lot of people in Britain regretted their decision to leave the European Union? I was just wondering if you ever regretted your decision to leave the human race.

'It wasn't so much a hostile takeover as it was a best 2 out of 3 pillow fight.'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

The Art of Bantering!

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

"I will be reading a prepared statement, but I don't know who prepared it, so don't blame me!"

'Make me a bunch of appointments that I won't be able to keep.'

'I'm involved in lots of office politics. Do you have this in Kevlar?'

"Filling up 10 cars with gas would be crazy expensive!"

"Mother, take your time, I know this isn’t easy for you. But this is an important moment in our lives, so I will ask you one more time, what on earth did you do with my old comic books?!"

"Watch out for Bernie...he's a man of few words but a lot of gestures."

"Don't worry mate... We've rung for an economist."

'Online dating is rubbish. I've written to 20 women and not ONE has replied.' 'At least you're being spurned in the comfort of your own home.'

"I'm the most pathetic man on earth."

'What have you got to say for yourself? Or would you rather hear about me?'

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'

"Now tell me more about your fear of speaking in front of an audience."

Why cats will never rule the world: 'First, we'll assume high level government positions! Then we'll enforce harsh taxing measures! ...But first let's take a nap...sun spot feels...so good.'

Thought bubbles and speech bubbles

'She doesn't just hold a conversation, she strangles it.'

'Oh, come on!!? Don't be crazy, butterfly.'

'You call that enlightened?'

'I think I'm introverted. Because the fake conversations I have in my head with people are so much better than real conversations.'

'I just hope the sun doesn't get rusty.'

"Have you got the time?", "No I've got the money."

'A health report today warned skeptics, who take everything with a grain of salt, could result in abnormal hypertension. . .'

'It's a look back over his Korea.'

"I couldn't help noticing we both seem about to grab the same little company."

"So the only honest bit of your profile was that you 'have a 'vivid' imagination'."

"But that's me! 'The Impaler Guy'!"

"Without freedom to offend, freedom of speech hardly matters, bitch."

'Fine, thank you. And how are you?'