The Bill-dodgers Pillows

'...You haven't paid your cable bill'

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

Nun Binning the Devil

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

'I don't suppose you're just writing me a Valentine?'

IN, OUT, NOT WORTH THE EFFORT

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

We'll pass on the entrees...

The Demon's Disguise

'Cheer up, Mr. Laping. It's only until the fishing season is over.'

Why men hate shopping.

A $50 co-pay? Well, go find someone named 'Co' and maybe they can pay you."

Dozens of parking tickets under windscreen wipers. Woman passenger says: 'It might be time to give the windscreen a wipe.'

"Be careful with your third wish. Another book you might already have read would be a bummer."

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

"So I'm thinking...why bother with all the junk mail?"

"Move over! - I just got the bill!"

'I've got to go, Alice, you know how the boss frowns on personal calls.'

"I thought all the bills we were going to ignore were coming electronically."

'I know my electric bills are way over due, but could you at least wait until March Madness is over before turning off my electricity?'

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

'That was a test of our school's emergency broadcasting system. If this were a real emergency, you would have been asked not to talk to reporters.'

'One minute she was eyeing her hospital bill, and the next minute...'

"So tell me, did you install gold, silver or platinum water pipes?"

'Wait...Sir...It's customary to pay for services when rendered!'

"An office job would drive me crazy!...sitting at a desk all day!"

"Man-to-man talk, Randy." "Proceed, friend." "If you were being audited, and you may have accidentally burned all your receipts and ledgers...would it be manlier to run away to a country that has no extradition treaty with the ours, or to weasel out of it by ratting out an even bigger tax cheat?" "Or, would it be manlier to frame the auditor for a crime he didn't commit?" "Gonna have to take a day to think about this one."

'Doesn't look good...My ear plugs nurse.'

Excess Baggage: Kenny beats the airlines' hated add-on fee system... for the moment.

Dodging the firing squad.