The Barfly Sage Gifts

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"An everything Martini, please."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"Catnip for everyone."

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

Cell Bar & Grill. Happy Hour All Day. The new owner is an endorphin.

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

'Fried chickens.'

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

Quiz Night...

"What would you like me to play next?"

If bar stools were like playground swings...

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."