The Barfly Sage T-Shirts

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Why am I always the designated driver?!"

"I think I speak for my entire generation when I say, 'Yes, I will have another drink.' "

"An everything Martini, please."

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I forget to drink."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"You seem dangerous. I like that."

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Fried chickens.'

"Catnip for everyone."

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

Those Senior Moments: 'Tell me something - do I come here often?'

Quiz Night...

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"What would you like me to play next?"

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."