The Artful Gourmet T-Shirts

Frying sausages by the sea.

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"I'd go with French Impressionist. It evokes the burnished golds of autumn leaves and the bittersweet regrets of lost love. It's also on special."

The worm that churned!

"It's Chicken Mole!"

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

Cat eating fish from fishbowl.

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

Burger stall at an art gallery

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"Sauted lard, please."

Sandwich snob.

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

Stand back - while I whip something up

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

'It's all made by stateless people, wanderers, nomads, whose only anchor is cheese.'

Salvador Deli

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

End of the day bargains at the cheese counter.

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

'Blimey, how old is this stilton?' 'Let;s put it this way...it used to be cheddar.'

Chinese Novel Cookie

'Of course I'd never have so much as looked at Timothy if it wasn't for his nose for truffles.'

"This isn't just any old food wine. This is the foodies' food wine."

"Sous vide hot dog round, dehydrated generic bun dust, sweet relish foam, ketchup tuile."

"The Corned Beef Cappuccino needs work."

'Ketchup? You know that's an insult to the chef, right?'

'Thanks, I found the cheesecloth. Can you recommend a nice wine to serve with it?'

Picasso paints AND eats like a child!

"Jean-Pierre, homemade caviar for table six, please!"

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

'The 89's are very forward with meat on the nose and a lingering marrow-bone finish.'

"Stomach content analysis shows the onions were sauteed after the pork was added but before adding the fennel."