The Artful Gourmet T-Shirts

Frying sausages by the sea.

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"It's Chicken Mole!"

"I'd go with French Impressionist. It evokes the burnished golds of autumn leaves and the bittersweet regrets of lost love. It's also on special."

The worm that churned!

Cat eating fish from fishbowl.

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

Burger stall at an art gallery

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

Sandwich snob.

"Sauted lard, please."

Stand back - while I whip something up

Anthony Bourdain with Chopsticks

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

'Blimey, how old is this stilton?' 'Let;s put it this way...it used to be cheddar.'

Salvador Deli

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

Chinese Novel Cookie

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

End of the day bargains at the cheese counter.

'It's all made by stateless people, wanderers, nomads, whose only anchor is cheese.'

'Of course I'd never have so much as looked at Timothy if it wasn't for his nose for truffles.'

'Thanks, I found the cheesecloth. Can you recommend a nice wine to serve with it?'

'Ketchup? You know that's an insult to the chef, right?'

Picasso paints AND eats like a child!

I never had a pony, Dr. Kapuchnik. Get over it, Al. Tastes like chicken.

"The Corned Beef Cappuccino needs work."

"Jean-Pierre, homemade caviar for table six, please!"

"Sous vide hot dog round, dehydrated generic bun dust, sweet relish foam, ketchup tuile."

"This isn't just any old food wine. This is the foodies' food wine."

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'

'The 89's are very forward with meat on the nose and a lingering marrow-bone finish.'