Gourmet At Heart T-Shirts

'The 89's are very forward with meat on the nose and a lingering marrow-bone finish.'

"You're the lid to my pot."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Haute Chinese

Join me for dinner?

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

'Jingling your change won't get us a better table.'