Gourmet Experimentalist T-Shirts

"The Corned Beef Cappuccino needs work."

A vampire about to use mayonnaise on his new victim.

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

Haute Chinese

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

Join me for dinner?

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

Avocado Timeline

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

"While the chef's dishes tonight are rather bland, his ideas are fresh and appealing."

Cut out and keep your own Chef

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"