The Afterlife Gifts

"This merger is to give us a better grip on our respective markets."

'I still have trouble sleeping. I thought when I died I could rest in peace.'

'Old age, eh? I just sort of left in a huff.'

"As your orientation angel, it is my duty to inform you that your former boss is down on Earth at this moment with your coworkers, performing a seance to summon your spirit back and ask where you saved the files for tomorrow’s big sales presentation."

Plus, it keeps it warm.

'You do realize that's just a giant novelty fork, right? They used to have one in the restaurant where I worked.'

'It's not how I had imagined it either! Do you suppose that we are in the wrong cartoon?'

"Only one of my lives was a bowl of cherries."

'It's a 'Wish You Were Here' postcard from my husband. He went to Hell.'

Life is crap, and then you go to hell.

'Oh! I know!! We'll put you over there on that dirty little rain cloud!!'

'No mistake. It's right here...'Bad Dog'.'

"Yup. This is heaven. Free beer and unlimited peanuts."

"Dress code?"

"When did this place start going to hell?"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Cat Heaven vs Mouse Hell.

"Call me?"

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

"Surgery up here is free!"

"It's true: no more burpees."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"I thought there would be bacon here."

Hell Separates Real Madrid and Barcelona fans.

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'