Textspeak Enthusiast Pillows

'Laugh out loud, best friends forever, be right back, in my experience, never again volunteer yourself...'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Staff support"

Polly txt speak

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

Punt Cake

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

Please Drove Carefully.

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

Smith Academy. A Tradition of Excellense.

"Out damn Spot

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

Censors 'no' a good thing when they see it.

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

AA Meeting Here Today

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"Privates Beach"

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"Textin’"

"Nuts to you, too."

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."