Texting Ninjas Pillows

'Did you know that your lips move when you text?'

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

That party went well.

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

ACME Balloon Company.

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'Yeah, I don't have trouble remembering my times tables, but I stink at algebra...'

'I'm interested in your job opening, so I'll have my agent give you a ring!'

"I hate negative numbers, and I'll stop at nothing to avoid them."

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

I've found a loophole in your loophole

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

'Hey dude, just got the SMS of the Wild...'

Pushed to the max by the algebra test, Tim's brain spontaneously combusted.

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

'Henry, I'm here to trim back your budget.'

'Eleven?.. you mean there's more numbers beyond the number of fingers we have?'

Propping up a profits chart.

The Communicator

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

Book Thief in True Crime Department

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

Customer Complaints - "Thank you, Thompson, for collecting the statistics."

'Gimme all your cache!'

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

IRS tax instructions.

"Easy day at school. Spelling was easy as ABC, math was easy as one two three, and music was easy as Do Re Mi."

"No you are not ok! Tell me what's wrong! You've been sitting for two minutes without checking your phone!"

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."