Texting Ninja Gifts

"Don't yell in the restaurant. Use your texting voice."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

Go team!

'It was bound to happen - they're beginning to think like binary computers.'

Oymoticons

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

"Don't worry about missing the meeting, Henshaw. We assigned all the actions to you."

"So, hw ws yr smmr?"

ACME Balloon Company.

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

'Simply put.'

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

Trade Show Sherpas

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'

'Remember, Henson; we're not here to hobnob - we're here to schmooze.'

"The corner ledge is reserved for senior management."

'If 'x' is unknown, why should I rock the boat?'

"I hate negative numbers, and I'll stop at nothing to avoid them."

Building business relations.

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

'Yeah, I don't have trouble remembering my times tables, but I stink at algebra...'

Gone Bookkeepin'

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

'This would be a lot easier, Ms. Sims, if there were a little more margin for error.'

The Card Flinger

'It won't do you any good! You can't run from your math problems!'

"Dad, wouldn't my allowance be better off earning interest in a tax free municipal bond fund?"

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'