Linguistic Ninja Gifts

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Polly txt speak

What's normal?

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

"Darn autocorrect!"

"My nephew Jack here can say ‘I’m unemployed’ in seven languages."

Sign that says 'This is not a sign.'

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'The meaning of life? sorry, I can only answer 'true or false' questions.'

A man looking into a mirror saying "HA!"; his reflection looking back at him from the mirror is saying "!AH".

'What does coincide mean?' 'It's what you do when it starts to rain.'

'It's not scatting if they're under age two.'

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

Bull Pen

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

"Why do they keep all these words in the dictionary? I mean, who's going to look up 'dog'?"

Holy Mackerel

Succeed

Beware of Doug

"Spring Chicken"

Heart To Heart

'A frore basenji was mistaken for a stabile.'

"This position requires someone with a thick skin... Well, do you think you're up to the job, big nose?"

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

Artichoking victim