Text Terminator Gifts

'Speak properly son, you're not texting now...'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

When cockroaches go unchecked.

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

Aedes and Coronavirus perfect storm

'Do you have any properties with a termite infestation?'

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Looks like we're dealing with a mule deer infestation. I can get rid of them, but you'll have to wait until they're in season!'

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

'Congratulations! And please give your parents this receipt for $148 thousand.'

Flies up the ante!

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

What did you think happens to all those vitamins that roll beneath the fridge?

"Yep, it says "pesticide"! Not only are they trying to kill us, they also insult us by calling us pests!"

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

"This wasn’t a mouse, ma’am — it was a cartoonist."

Pied Piper uses 'Rat Nav'.

Drone Spray

"These door hinges squeak."

Superintendent

'How long did you try before calling?'

"I see the man who invented autocorrect has died."

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"