Testament Trickery Gifts

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'I'll try to keep my remarks brief.'

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

"Is there an audio edition?"

Wordplay: Mandate - Escort Agency.

Ventriloquist's fete

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"

"Would you please come with us, Sir?!"

"Quit worrying about corroborating your sources - it's not as if anyone's going to take all this literally."

"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin..."

'About this tithing business -- do You accept manna?'

"I'll admit, Billy Jenkins' note does look forged...but then again, he did have it notarized!"

'What do you call an eskimo's house which has no toilet?'

'Watch this - I told him the correct pronunciation of Pinot Noir is peanut noyer.'

MAKE ME PROUD OF YOU!, 'We may want to include more specific instructions.'

Peter pranks the other Apostles...

"I've got her red pencil."

Never divulge your credit card pin number to your children!'

"I'm from the Bible - a new publication - and we'd like your first hand account of this event."

'Biggo was easy but I had a liitle trouble with Dairy.'

Hat? No, I said, 'that': 'How do you feel about that?' Hat wouldn't make sense. Anyone in his right mind knows hat.

'Don't tell him I can't speak, French. He's paying me to translate his girlfriends letters.'

Homework eaten $2

'We found apocrypha under his mattress!'

"I didn't say I was DIVINE. I said, 'I am da vine, and you are da branches.'