Testament Tickler Gifts

'About this tithing business -- do You accept manna?'

Concert Pianist.

Piano Recital

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

"Eventually the instrument becomes an extension of your body."

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

Keyboard player

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

'That's a bit better. Persistence pays off - although, not as well as it did when I was your age.'

Where baby grand pianos come from.

Farmer to son: 'For heaven's sake Jeb! Get Bessie out of that tall grass now! Can't you see she's full of ticks?!'

'The main reason I took up the piano was, it's the only musical instrument that gives you a place to set your wine.'

Beware of Watchdog.

Emmanuel Ax

Dear Bertha - I'd write more often, but I always seem to be out of ink! Love, Oggy

"I wasn't sure if the wine was breathing, so I've been giving it mouth to mouth."

Predatory Pianos.

Concert pianist on his way to work.

'Piano Player'

"Clarence really knew how to tickle the ivories."

"Stop using math to make me look bad."

"I am trying to keep it low key."

"O.K., I'm going to demonstrate the proper way to lie to me about flossing."

'What do you mean, you can't look at the Milky Way because you're lactose-intolerant?'

'No-one can avoid cuts!'

Piano Shop.

Organ Player

Trolley Rage.

"I've never been so insulted in my life! If my arms could reach, I'd slap your face!"

'We don't get many turtles here.'