Telly Buff Pillows

'I married him for his money and believe me I earned it.'

"C'mon, kids. You're blocking the T.V."

Showbiz Awards

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Television Readers.

'One eye of newt or two?'

Trump! The Musical

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Saint George and the Drag Queen

If nobody had invented graphics

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

A little bird told me...

Mikado

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

Deflator mouse

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

"Of course I'm dressed like a cheap w***e! It's Halloween! Duhh!"

Can't Touch This

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'