Television Director Gifts

This is headline news where you can be sure your mind is never taxed.

'Hang on a minute...'

"The following program was made possible by the usual suspects...."

Ken Loach

Head of Dumbing-Down

Reality TV

"Looks like we found the issue."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Just be yourself."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

Showbiz Awards

James Bond in a Snow Globe

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Benedict Cumberbatch

Director/Action Man toy.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Golfing Boss

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'Smith, we need more creativity. You have to learn to think outside the box.'

Bo're'droom

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'