Directors Gifts

The Board

'All opposed to moving the plant to Mexico say, 'adios'.'

Lights Camera Action Man

"Don't be afraid to speak up and agree with my ideas."

"There's only one thing I hate more than a 'yes man', and that's a 'no man'!"

"She has to arouse you, without, of course, actually arousing you."

'Rest assured this award will take pride of place on my mantlepiece next to my 25 yards breaststroke certificate.'

'I was originally promised a post in finance.'

'The most successful sitcom on TV was mine, and then I insisted we go it without a laugh track!'

Employer wanting information about employees

'Gentlemen,I'm afraid we may have to loosen our belts.'

R Symes - CEO - 25 years without a single indictment.

'Couldn't we replace the environment with something usable?'

"Tell you the truth - I ain't feelin' all that Hitchcockian."

'Sir, a number of employees are here with a gripe.'

The Barefoot Cro-magnon.

'My God! It's Hastings, Van Witten, Rosten and Traver, Inc!'

The Skip.

An early turning-point in old Hollywood...

Janet Leigh

James Comey, Superstar

"The reason it's going to keep flashing on and off is that we love you, and we want you to love us, too."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Showbiz Awards

James Bond in a Snow Globe

Benedict Cumberbatch

Director/Action Man toy.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"