Television Critique Fans Gifts

"Do forgive me, sir. I've been seeing too much gratuitous violence on TV."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Can't Touch This

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

'What does it say, Dad?'

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

"You don't have to answer that."

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''