Television Broadcasting Pillows

'Hurry up!'

'This is Fred Lattimore, substituting for Larry Cunningham, who was totally grossed out by tonight's lead story.'

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Showbiz Awards

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Television Readers.

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Horror movies

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'If only every year was an election year.'

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"And this is our media room."

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."