Television Broadcasting Gifts

'Hurry up!'

'This is Fred Lattimore, substituting for Larry Cunningham, who was totally grossed out by tonight's lead story.'

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

Showbiz Awards

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Bowled over again!

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

Television Readers.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Horror movies

'If only every year was an election year.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"And this is our media room."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."