Telethon Fan Gifts

'Frankly, your only hope is for Jerry Lewis to hold a special telethon.'

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

Extinction of the dinosaurs fully explained

Applause

Best before 65 million BC.

When Dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

"I'm sending you an interesting article about declining birth rates."

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

'Can you believe it? - The doofus doesn't know whether this is the Alpha Quadrant or not!'

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

Dinosaur Group Think

Clive Anderson

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

"You spoil those pterodactyls!"

Rating the Sunset

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

Chickenspox

T-Rex Racing: A Short-Lived Sport

David Attenborough

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

Projecting Obama

ABBA

"I told him he was allowed one phone call. He's making a pledge to Channel 13."

Psychaitry. Are you sure lying on my back is the best way to address my feelings of helplessness?

Good Morning Britain has just achieved something previously thought impossible...by making Piers Morgan the most likeable man on screen.

Victoria's pre-marriage questionnaire continues...'You just lost points for so easily getting that Geeky 'Star Trek' reference.'

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

'Don't worry, Dearie -- when you've been married as long as I have, your forehead will recede, too!'

It sounds like you've been watching Dr. Phil again, Al � bad idea. Dr. Phil provides a service, Dr. Kapuchnik: he makes you seem like less of a pompous, overbearing know-it-all.

'The E.S.P. phone: "Hi! I'm on the train."

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

'I stopped watching Sesame Street the second I found out it was educational.'

Ostrich TV.

Tommy Cooper