Telescope Gifts

Man using telescope to play darts.

"Lemme know when you’re ready to howl at it."

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'Slip Ahoy!'

"Trying to impress us on your first day is understandable, but the moon has already been discovered."

"New researches use it in daylight hours only."

"Stargazing sure is less painful at night."

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

'My God we being invaded!'

"Hurray! I discovered a new planet!"

"I've either discovered dark matter, or I've left the lens cap on."

Galileo describes his discoveries to the church (and gets hit over the head by the bishop/pope with the telescope that he made the discoveries with).

'It's a black hole! Wait, what's all that debris? It looks like...hey, it's my letters to the editor, and my movie script submissions, and all the ideas I've ever put in the suggestion box.'

Astronomers studying the 26 moons of Uranus...

Scientist drinking night sky through telescope

'Just as I suspected. The wormhole is located behind the Dog Star.'

"As an astronomer, this discovery heralds a new golden age of academic fervor for mathematicians and astrophysicists across the globe. As a Sagittarius, I'm fucked."

Venice 1609: Someone plays a practical joke on Galileo. . .

'He runs this firm like a ship.'

'Hey, guys, come over here. I just discovered the telescope.'

No caption. (An astronomer looks through a high-powered telescope while a baby in a crib looks through a hand-held scope).

'The last thing I said to him was: 'whatever you do, don't look at the sun through this thing'.'

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

Astronomers using giant telescope to light fires.

'We discovered a massive dust and gas cloud which is either the beginning of a new star of just a hell of a lot of dust and gas.'

The Moon Falls Out of the Sky.

A very young mariner. A young mariner. An ancient mariner.

Buffering

"Since you've been watching me on my planet, I was hoping you could tell me where I lost my phone."

Little guy using telescope to see past a big guy blocking his view in the crowd,

"All I get is a bird's eye view."

Entry level astronomer...

New Images from Hubble

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Earth, Venus, Mars … Mercury … Um, Pluto? Charon? No, Pluto … or Eris? Ugh …